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"If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days." - Sylvia Plath

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Lotus eating explained…

fgps:

maybe you are wondering what does that poem have to do with RA?

well, it came from a dream..

I don’t know about you but I listen to RA whenever I sleep.. One day, (I sleep during the day) I fell into a dream… the only one I have ever had of him.

We were sitting cross legs face to face.. a giant water Lilly sat between us on a golden pedestal. we were nude but not ashamed.. and it wasn’t sexual. he told me to close my eyes and open my mouth, and he began placing the petals in my mouth.

I asked him what the flower was and he told me it was a lotus.

then I woke up. and began madly researching the lotus… crazy damn dream.. spiritual in a way..

just had to share.

—foolishgirrl

 I would die for a dream that deep.

And to think, all I got from Ryan were two instances of meaningless sex.  Here you are, having spiritual experiences with him.  Damn.